peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
