come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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