Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
