Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
