dude i'm inner monologue high
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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