You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Drunk is not a location!
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
