I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
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