Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
