I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Of course I have a pirate flag
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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