The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
