i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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