May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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