y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
