for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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