So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
