dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
