angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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