If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
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