Taylor Swift is so right about you.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
