There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
we're making bets on your personal life
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Found your dick twin last night
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
