new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
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