Please, let me fuck your mom
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
