Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
