He is an equal opportunity slut.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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