the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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