he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
