So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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