You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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