My hair reeks of homosexuality.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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