At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
We're too hungover to prance.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
