she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
