Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
