If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
