I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
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