I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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