I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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