Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Randomize
