If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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