Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
