he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
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