I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize