I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
i love accidental penises.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
