Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize