Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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