i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Randomize
