He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
