I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Randomize
