No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
