I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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