i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
