I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize