It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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