I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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