You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I just found a bag of teeth...
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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