i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
