Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Randomize
