wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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