i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
