I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
try to milk me bitch
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