Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
