She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
