Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Randomize