i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Randomize
