Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
