I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I got inside last night via doggy door
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Randomize