Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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