your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
