everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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