i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Randomize
