He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Randomize
