dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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