The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
