Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize