I didn't shave. On purpose
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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